Life Goes On. . .

They are totally chilling words. 

You have cancer.

Doesn't matter where it is.  Or how bad. 

Just the sound of those words will chill your blood.

Say CANCER and see what image it conjures up.

It is surprising -- or, at least it was to me -- just what emotions rose to the surface after the fact.

At first I was stoic.  Oh, yeah, I have this tumor in my tongue, but they are going to take it out and it will be fine.  Fine.   FINE.  Out and gone and fine.

Then one day, after it was out and gone, my Sweetie said..."You have cancer."  I snapped back at him...
"No, I don't.  I did have cancer but I don't anymore." 

I was surprised at the emotions that surged when he made the comment.  I was angry -- I was at the point of tears -- I was surprised.  No more stoic Anita.

My surgery was done Oct 1.  They got it all.  No additional surgery on lymph nodes was necessary.  No radiation or chemo will be necessary.   Just recovery now.  A regime of regular tests for a while.  Good news.  Great news.  Answered prayers!

It is very surprising how much this ordeal took the wind out of my sails.  The first week I could barely eat.  Maybe a tablespoon or two at a time.  Drinking was easier than trying to eat with a spoon.  First time I tried to eat my tongue was too swollen to get a spoon in my mouth beside it.  I found that drinking was easier. 

Then I started trying to find things that I could handle.  I chose Chicken and Stars soup.  One of my favorite flavors in the Campbell's soup family.  I tried a bit -- then went to wash out my mouth, as is necessary after eating.  Surprisingly, when I spit I found my mouth had been full of  stars.  I hadn't swallowed them.  I thought I had, but they were still there -- hiding out by my tongue.  My tongue that wasn't helping with the process of eating.   And, to eat, one needs the help of the tongue!

Well, things are better now -- I can actually chew and things go down the way they are supposed to.  Mostly.   But, still, my tongue is like a strange, unfamiliar "thing" inhabiting my mouth. 
It was sliced open -- looks rather like a hot-dog bun -- you know, sliced down the side so you can spread it open and spread on the mayo or mustard or relish and then put in the weiners.  My tongue is sliced open that way. 

It is UGLY!!!

It has a bad taste. (or so I think.)  It hurts to eat more than a few bites. 

The powers that be, in the cancer hospital that did my surgery, assure me that it will grow back together.

They PROMISE!

They tell me it will look just like before except for a thin scar along the cut side.
I'm claiming that promise!  Can't happen soon enough for me!!

I'm trying to reclaim my vim and vigor.  But, naps are still needed two or three times a day.  I can hardly watch an entire TV show without falling asleep.  My brain is still fuzzy from time to time.
The first time I tried to do some on-line banking I locked myself out because I couldn't remember my password and I just kept trying and trying until the program locked.  Protecting my info from whatever idiot was clawing at it.
I'm back on-line now -- with a new password.  On-line banking works better when one isn't dopy on pain meds.

Still a long way to go before I'm back to normal -- whatever that word means for me.  But, they PROMISE my tongue will heal.  They PROMISE!